As I lay in bed I feel the walls closing in on me. My chest is tightening and my hands and feet are tingling. I immediately run to the bathroom and release my dinner from the night before. I feel like I am going to die as I sit there with my head in the toilet. Screaming out to my mom and dad, they run vigorously to see what is wrong, and find me buried in the toilet bowl seat. Many thoughts scatter through my head leading to the fear of what is going to happen next. Sooner than later I discover that these are the symptoms of a panic attack. For years now I have been suffering from this mental illness we all know as “anxiety.”
Now, six years later, I am still battling this vicious sickness. I am not the type of person to talk about my feelings or myself. Instead, I find myself listening to everyone else vent about their problems and situations. I realize that although being alone is a dreadful feeling, sometimes I would rather be by myself than to be surrounded by problems that do not matter much to me. I also do not want anyone to know anything about me, in fear that they will judge me or think of me differently. My life consists of me fearing the thoughts of others. ‘What will they think of me if they knew what I was going through?’ and ‘what if I have an episode while they are around’ are always questions that run through my head. It is all I think about, constantly. Here is an example of how people feel when having an episode
I finally found it in myself to say, “enough is enough” and, from that point on I had released a part of me that I would have never shown to anyone other than my family. This is a part of me that has been haunted for many years of my life: “guy’s I have something to tell you. I have been suffering from anxiety for three years now and I cannot hold it in anymore.” I can remember the looks on my friends’ faces when they finally realized what was affecting me. Hearing comforting words such as, “we are here for you if you need it”, made me feel like I was no longer trapped behind bars that we all refer to as our sub-conscious mind. I felt as though I had more ears to listen to me for once instead of the usual, me listening. I just wish that I were confident enough to tell my friends before things got to such an extreme.
Now I have no secrets haunting me. If something is bothering me I do not let it affect me. I speak up about issues and in return I get great advice that makes my issues more tolerable. In life, people are affected with battles that cannot be fought alone. So, please take my story as a lesson. If you are trapped and need help, your friends and family are there for you to get you through it. Anxiety is a feeling of worry and nervousness, but today the worry stops here!
Can you explain a time where you felt trapped in your thoughts?